So hi, sparkles. Barbie here again. This is, like, our very first official episode of Second Life Bimbos. I was gonna call it a “pilot,” but then Diamond said, “You think you’re flying a plane now?” Which, um, rude, ‘cause I would make a really hot pilot.

Anyway.

So one day not so long ago, I was out at the beach. Well, actually, I was out looking for validation that I was pretty. Same thing, right? I stumbled into this sim, tossed my hair, and went all, “Look at me!” And, like, some of them did.

And then there was this really tall guy. Like, skyscraper tall. So I asked him, “Are you this big all over?” And he goes, “I can show you.”

Cut to: me, on my knees, giving him not one, not two, but three blowjobs in a row. Like, apparently it was a sport and I’d been signed up.

I was all gaggy and choky, but he came so much I looked like I’d face-planted into a bottle of lotion. Then he’s like, “Gotta go to dinner, I’ll be back.” And I was like, “Sure babe, I’ll just wait here, looking like a glazed donut.”

That’s when it hit me: me and Diamond don’t have a house. And worse… no shower.

The Emergency Text

So obviously I panicked. My face was sticky, I was shiny and I couldn’t rinse it off. So I texted Diamond.

“Diamond babes, we need a house with a washy thingy.”

And she goes, “A shower?”

“Yeah, don’t get all fancy words on me,” I texted back.

Then she hits me with, “Yes, I think by law a house is required to have one.”

Which made total sense. So I go, “Wait… so if we buy a shower we get a free house, is what I’m hearing?”

And she replies, “That’s correct. By law.”

So like, okay, maybe she is the smart one sometimes.

Anyway, later that night, my new tall friend came back, and we had some more fun. Which, btw? Wowsers. Like, 10/10, would recommend.

After that, I went shopping. I ended up at this place called Lalou. Super cute, lots of furniture, all that. I’m wandering around looking for the “free house with shower purchase” sign, but I couldn’t find it.

So I asked the little support alien at the desk. “Excuse me, sparkle, where’s the sign that says I get a free house with my shower? My bestie, who’s called Diamond btw and soooo smart & beautiful, told me that you give free houses if you buy a shower.”

And the alien looks at me all weird and goes, “I think your friend is lying to you.”

But like… Diamond wouldn’t lie to me. She’s bitchy, but she’s honest. If she says the law gives you a free house when you buy a shower, then the law gives you a free house when you buy a shower. End of.

Still Homeless, Still Showerless

So here’s where we’re at:

• I sucked off a giant.
• Diamond tricked me into thinking the law gives out free houses.
• Lalou’s alien staff clearly don’t understand property rights.
• We’re still homeless. We’re still showerless.

And I still smell faintly of man-juice.

Diamond says we should “actually save lindens and buy a house like normal people.” But, like, why? If I just buy a shower and wait for the law to deliver the house, it’s way cheaper. That’s just smart thinking.

Maybe Diamond is smarter than me. But probably not.

She’s probably just taller.